from Double Wedding Ring

4. Conclusion and Realizations


She quickly clicked out of Facebook as she heard Kyle walking down the hall and pulled the quilt over her to pretend she’d fallen asleep. He came in grumbling about the door not being right on the hinge and then he tripped on Mara’s shoe and grumbled some more about that. She just lay there hoping he’d cool down so she could slink into bed. Every now and then something would set Kyle off and there was no pulling him out of it until he blew off some steam.

Kyle kicked her shoe across the floor angrily.

“Goddamnit” he screamed and Mara knew she couldn’t pretend anymore. She sat up and apologized for leaving her shoes at the front door, then Kyle pushed her briefcase over that was also by the door and continued to rant about all the ‘crap’ she left lying around that he had to trip over. Mara felt stung, she’d walked on eggshells all week trying to please him. She knew he hated traveling so much, but really the loft was pretty clean and organized.

“Why did you push over my briefcase?” she asked “It’s packed for school tomorrow.”

“You left it right in front of the damn door!” he yelled. The argument ensued until Mara started feeling beaten down. No mater what she said, Kyle was pissed off at her and that wasn’t going to change. She got up to go to bed and Kyle grabbed the quilt off the couch.

“What’s this crappy thing doing here?” he asked.
“I brought it home to wash it,” Mara said grabbing it out of his hands and storming toward the bedroom feeling very protective of her quilt. Kyle followed her yelling about finances and the mess in the loft until Mara couldn’t take it anymore.

“ENOUGH” she shouted “I just want to go to bed, please, I don’t want to argue anymore, can we talk tomorrow when we’ve both calmed down?” She pleaded. That’s when Kyle came unglued screaming and throwing things around the bedroom, it frightened Mara to see him so angry so she got up to leave the room and he grabbed her.

“Where are you going?” he asked holding her arms down to her side.
“To the living room, I just need to be alone, please, let me go” she begged. Kyle started kissing her neck and holding her tightly and whispering that he loved her, but Mara was still upset and she tried to push away making Kyle felt rejected.

“Don’t you love me Mara? Why are you doing this? Why won’t you just hold me?” he asked stepping back a bit and looking at her. Mara felt so guilty but as soon as he grabbed her again holding her tight and hurting her neck she realized she just couldn’t do it tonight, she couldn’t make love to him, she didn’t even want to hold him right now, she felt overpowered by him and it frightened her.

Mara told him that she needed to go turn off her laptop and that she’d be right back, then she went into the living room, grabbed her shoes, stuffed her laptop into her briefcase and ran out the door. She could hear Kyle behind her and she flew to the stairs running down as fast as she could. He almost caught up with her as she ran out of the lobby and he followed her down the street. About a block away, Mara got a stitch in her side and Kyle caught up with her as she stood at the side of the street panting and holding her side. He grabbed her wrist and apologized to her explaining that it was just hard to come home and trip on all her stuff. This wasn’t the fist time he had gone off at her like this and she was really getting frightened by his behavior and the increasing intensity. He had never hit her and she didn’t think he ever would, but it made her feel so trapped when he grabbed her and held her down like this. A few weeks ago she actually had bruises on her wrists where he grabbed her, but she had been trying to run out of the loft at the time and he was afraid she’d run into the street and get herself run over.

“Please let go of me,” she asked still trying to catch her breath.

“I’m afraid you’re going to hurt yourself. Please come back upstairs with me so we can talk Mara, you know I love you” he said in a calm voice still holding her wrists tightly.

“I’ll be back in a bit, I just need to walk and calm myself down, please.” She begged trying to draw some fresh air and hoping that he would let go of her, she didn’t like the way this made her feel. Kyle continued to banter with her in a calm voice making her feel that there must be something wrong with her. After several minutes she heard a newly familiar voice.

“Is everything ok here?” It was Luke, Megan’s boyfriend.

“Its fine thanks” Kyle seethed, but quickly dropped Mara’s wrist and began walking back to the loft. “Take your walk Mara, I’ll see you in a bit, but please be careful,” he concluded. As soon as Kyle disappeared into the lobby Luke looked at Mara with a very serious expression.

“Are you ok?” he asked, pausing so she could catch her breath.