The hunger consumes my thoughts at times
Wishing to find joy in simplicity
So many have found love and passion
Watching from the sidelines
Quietly
Wishing
Dreaming
Fantasizing
Friday, November 26, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Mystical Forces At Work
I tried to call it attraction in a vain attempt to make it some mystical force beyond my control. But it’s love and it IS a mystical force that is WAY beyond my control.
Monday, September 13, 2010
I Wish I Could
I wish I could love you
The way you deserve
Like a shooting star takes flight
So easy and steady on a warm summer night
The gatekeeper to all my secretes
I hold the key to yours
Being with you is effortless
We mingle, we laugh, we adore
I do love you
My heart is full and true
But it belongs to another man
Who isn’t as deserving as you
The way you deserve
Like a shooting star takes flight
So easy and steady on a warm summer night
The gatekeeper to all my secretes
I hold the key to yours
Being with you is effortless
We mingle, we laugh, we adore
I do love you
My heart is full and true
But it belongs to another man
Who isn’t as deserving as you
Monday, August 30, 2010
Ritual Under a Full Moon
The fire calls us to gather
Under a dark velvet sky
Scattered with diamonds
A sliver moon entrances us
Welcoming the elements
Calling to the god and goddess
We cast a circle
The energy rises to the beat of a drum
We dance to the rhythm of the earth
The fire rises and mingles with the sky
As we shoot our intent into the flames
We release the energy
Aware that our work is done
We are witches
We are one.
Under a dark velvet sky
Scattered with diamonds
A sliver moon entrances us
Welcoming the elements
Calling to the god and goddess
We cast a circle
The energy rises to the beat of a drum
We dance to the rhythm of the earth
The fire rises and mingles with the sky
As we shoot our intent into the flames
We release the energy
Aware that our work is done
We are witches
We are one.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Almost Full Moon
Unfamiliar feelings take flight
As day breaks then quickly becomes night
Strong hands I long to hold
Unspoken truths never to be told
Passion swirls around
Like a warm wind without a sound
Rains down upon us
In a room full of white noise
Surrounded by the silence
Of a moon almost ripe and full
As day breaks then quickly becomes night
Strong hands I long to hold
Unspoken truths never to be told
Passion swirls around
Like a warm wind without a sound
Rains down upon us
In a room full of white noise
Surrounded by the silence
Of a moon almost ripe and full
Sunday, May 9, 2010
What She Knows on Mothers Day
Mothers Day 2007
What she knew
A small room
A soft place to lay
Fresh flowers
Dirty clothes
Vodka Cigarettes Filth
Her name on her door
Mothers Day 2008
What she knows
A small room
A soft place to lay
Fresh flowers
Pretty dress
Cold Dark Ground
Her name above her feet
What she knew
A small room
A soft place to lay
Fresh flowers
Dirty clothes
Vodka Cigarettes Filth
Her name on her door
Mothers Day 2008
What she knows
A small room
A soft place to lay
Fresh flowers
Pretty dress
Cold Dark Ground
Her name above her feet
Mothers Day Mourning
The childless mother wakes slowly, savoring the numbness of mourning, she pretends not to remember, that today is Mothers Day.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Glenda and the House on the Hill; A short and incomplete story
Glenda was only five when they moved out of the old square symmetrical house on the hill. To this day (and it’s been 40 years) she can remember the shadows on the wall at night, the shingles that came down the sides just below the attic and the iron gate around the top of the house that made it appear to be a rooftop balcony, but to Glenda’s recollection, there were not stairs or doors that lead to the rooftop.
Her room was painted canary yellow with green accents, back then there was no way to know if a baby would be a girl or boy until it was born, so the nursery was usually painted in neutral colors. Now it seems there’s no way to know if a child is a boy or girl until it’s grown into adulthood. Yes times have changed in 45 years.
Glenda had fond memories of the symmetrical house on the hill. At Christmas, her mother would place a single plastic electric candle in each window of the old house. Her father would go out to the woods and chop down a huge tree and drag it in. Then her parents would bicker jovially as they placed the tree in the water holder, untangle the strands of lights and place the mismatched decorations on the tree allowing Glenda to place the unbreakable ornaments around the bottom. Glenda loved lying under the tree once it was trimmed in its holiday finest. She would look up and squint making the lights bounce and twinkle like stars. Her dog Scruffy would often lay with her and sometimes the cats would jump on a branch smashing one of the pretty glass ornaments.
It all changed once her father was offered a new job and they moved to the apartment in the city. Yes, they had more money and her mother wasted no time in decorating the New York apartment in lush finery. Their first Christmas there, her mother purchased a white artificial table top tree. There was no room for a fresh cut Douglas Fir. Glenda tried to squeeze her head under the tree and look up at the all white lights, but the effect wasn’t quite the same and she got poked in the eye by the plastic branches. The arched windows were adorn with sparkly foil bows and more white lights and there were no shadows on the walls at night, but there were the sounds of footsteps, bed springs, laughter and shouting from the other tenements. Her father often complained about the unnatural noises and how much he missed the symmetrical old house on the hill.
Glenda’s mother tisked and tasked about the drafty old dilapidated house with the outdated kitchen. However, once they moved to the city, her mother rarely cooked. In the old house she had made marvelous meals. In the city, they had fancy takeout food and usually ate with chopsticks out of paper cartons.
45 years later, Glenda was the mother of three beautiful boys all strapping young men (do people use the term ‘strapping’ anymore?) The boys loved their mother, but they were not immune to mischief growing up and she often caught her youngest William lying under the Christmas tree in the old symmetrical house on the hill. Squinting his eyes and looking up at the lights. Glenda shook her head with a huge smile on her face then crawled down on the floor beside him. She squinted her eyes and looked up in the tree at the beautiful colored lights and giggled as the colors became diamonds.
Her room was painted canary yellow with green accents, back then there was no way to know if a baby would be a girl or boy until it was born, so the nursery was usually painted in neutral colors. Now it seems there’s no way to know if a child is a boy or girl until it’s grown into adulthood. Yes times have changed in 45 years.
Glenda had fond memories of the symmetrical house on the hill. At Christmas, her mother would place a single plastic electric candle in each window of the old house. Her father would go out to the woods and chop down a huge tree and drag it in. Then her parents would bicker jovially as they placed the tree in the water holder, untangle the strands of lights and place the mismatched decorations on the tree allowing Glenda to place the unbreakable ornaments around the bottom. Glenda loved lying under the tree once it was trimmed in its holiday finest. She would look up and squint making the lights bounce and twinkle like stars. Her dog Scruffy would often lay with her and sometimes the cats would jump on a branch smashing one of the pretty glass ornaments.
It all changed once her father was offered a new job and they moved to the apartment in the city. Yes, they had more money and her mother wasted no time in decorating the New York apartment in lush finery. Their first Christmas there, her mother purchased a white artificial table top tree. There was no room for a fresh cut Douglas Fir. Glenda tried to squeeze her head under the tree and look up at the all white lights, but the effect wasn’t quite the same and she got poked in the eye by the plastic branches. The arched windows were adorn with sparkly foil bows and more white lights and there were no shadows on the walls at night, but there were the sounds of footsteps, bed springs, laughter and shouting from the other tenements. Her father often complained about the unnatural noises and how much he missed the symmetrical old house on the hill.
Glenda’s mother tisked and tasked about the drafty old dilapidated house with the outdated kitchen. However, once they moved to the city, her mother rarely cooked. In the old house she had made marvelous meals. In the city, they had fancy takeout food and usually ate with chopsticks out of paper cartons.
45 years later, Glenda was the mother of three beautiful boys all strapping young men (do people use the term ‘strapping’ anymore?) The boys loved their mother, but they were not immune to mischief growing up and she often caught her youngest William lying under the Christmas tree in the old symmetrical house on the hill. Squinting his eyes and looking up at the lights. Glenda shook her head with a huge smile on her face then crawled down on the floor beside him. She squinted her eyes and looked up in the tree at the beautiful colored lights and giggled as the colors became diamonds.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
from Double Wedding Ring
4. Conclusion and Realizations
She quickly clicked out of Facebook as she heard Kyle walking down the hall and pulled the quilt over her to pretend she’d fallen asleep. He came in grumbling about the door not being right on the hinge and then he tripped on Mara’s shoe and grumbled some more about that. She just lay there hoping he’d cool down so she could slink into bed. Every now and then something would set Kyle off and there was no pulling him out of it until he blew off some steam.
Kyle kicked her shoe across the floor angrily.
“Goddamnit” he screamed and Mara knew she couldn’t pretend anymore. She sat up and apologized for leaving her shoes at the front door, then Kyle pushed her briefcase over that was also by the door and continued to rant about all the ‘crap’ she left lying around that he had to trip over. Mara felt stung, she’d walked on eggshells all week trying to please him. She knew he hated traveling so much, but really the loft was pretty clean and organized.
“Why did you push over my briefcase?” she asked “It’s packed for school tomorrow.”
“You left it right in front of the damn door!” he yelled. The argument ensued until Mara started feeling beaten down. No mater what she said, Kyle was pissed off at her and that wasn’t going to change. She got up to go to bed and Kyle grabbed the quilt off the couch.
“What’s this crappy thing doing here?” he asked.
“I brought it home to wash it,” Mara said grabbing it out of his hands and storming toward the bedroom feeling very protective of her quilt. Kyle followed her yelling about finances and the mess in the loft until Mara couldn’t take it anymore.
“ENOUGH” she shouted “I just want to go to bed, please, I don’t want to argue anymore, can we talk tomorrow when we’ve both calmed down?” She pleaded. That’s when Kyle came unglued screaming and throwing things around the bedroom, it frightened Mara to see him so angry so she got up to leave the room and he grabbed her.
“Where are you going?” he asked holding her arms down to her side.
“To the living room, I just need to be alone, please, let me go” she begged. Kyle started kissing her neck and holding her tightly and whispering that he loved her, but Mara was still upset and she tried to push away making Kyle felt rejected.
“Don’t you love me Mara? Why are you doing this? Why won’t you just hold me?” he asked stepping back a bit and looking at her. Mara felt so guilty but as soon as he grabbed her again holding her tight and hurting her neck she realized she just couldn’t do it tonight, she couldn’t make love to him, she didn’t even want to hold him right now, she felt overpowered by him and it frightened her.
Mara told him that she needed to go turn off her laptop and that she’d be right back, then she went into the living room, grabbed her shoes, stuffed her laptop into her briefcase and ran out the door. She could hear Kyle behind her and she flew to the stairs running down as fast as she could. He almost caught up with her as she ran out of the lobby and he followed her down the street. About a block away, Mara got a stitch in her side and Kyle caught up with her as she stood at the side of the street panting and holding her side. He grabbed her wrist and apologized to her explaining that it was just hard to come home and trip on all her stuff. This wasn’t the fist time he had gone off at her like this and she was really getting frightened by his behavior and the increasing intensity. He had never hit her and she didn’t think he ever would, but it made her feel so trapped when he grabbed her and held her down like this. A few weeks ago she actually had bruises on her wrists where he grabbed her, but she had been trying to run out of the loft at the time and he was afraid she’d run into the street and get herself run over.
“Please let go of me,” she asked still trying to catch her breath.
“I’m afraid you’re going to hurt yourself. Please come back upstairs with me so we can talk Mara, you know I love you” he said in a calm voice still holding her wrists tightly.
“I’ll be back in a bit, I just need to walk and calm myself down, please.” She begged trying to draw some fresh air and hoping that he would let go of her, she didn’t like the way this made her feel. Kyle continued to banter with her in a calm voice making her feel that there must be something wrong with her. After several minutes she heard a newly familiar voice.
“Is everything ok here?” It was Luke, Megan’s boyfriend.
“Its fine thanks” Kyle seethed, but quickly dropped Mara’s wrist and began walking back to the loft. “Take your walk Mara, I’ll see you in a bit, but please be careful,” he concluded. As soon as Kyle disappeared into the lobby Luke looked at Mara with a very serious expression.
“Are you ok?” he asked, pausing so she could catch her breath.
She quickly clicked out of Facebook as she heard Kyle walking down the hall and pulled the quilt over her to pretend she’d fallen asleep. He came in grumbling about the door not being right on the hinge and then he tripped on Mara’s shoe and grumbled some more about that. She just lay there hoping he’d cool down so she could slink into bed. Every now and then something would set Kyle off and there was no pulling him out of it until he blew off some steam.
Kyle kicked her shoe across the floor angrily.
“Goddamnit” he screamed and Mara knew she couldn’t pretend anymore. She sat up and apologized for leaving her shoes at the front door, then Kyle pushed her briefcase over that was also by the door and continued to rant about all the ‘crap’ she left lying around that he had to trip over. Mara felt stung, she’d walked on eggshells all week trying to please him. She knew he hated traveling so much, but really the loft was pretty clean and organized.
“Why did you push over my briefcase?” she asked “It’s packed for school tomorrow.”
“You left it right in front of the damn door!” he yelled. The argument ensued until Mara started feeling beaten down. No mater what she said, Kyle was pissed off at her and that wasn’t going to change. She got up to go to bed and Kyle grabbed the quilt off the couch.
“What’s this crappy thing doing here?” he asked.
“I brought it home to wash it,” Mara said grabbing it out of his hands and storming toward the bedroom feeling very protective of her quilt. Kyle followed her yelling about finances and the mess in the loft until Mara couldn’t take it anymore.
“ENOUGH” she shouted “I just want to go to bed, please, I don’t want to argue anymore, can we talk tomorrow when we’ve both calmed down?” She pleaded. That’s when Kyle came unglued screaming and throwing things around the bedroom, it frightened Mara to see him so angry so she got up to leave the room and he grabbed her.
“Where are you going?” he asked holding her arms down to her side.
“To the living room, I just need to be alone, please, let me go” she begged. Kyle started kissing her neck and holding her tightly and whispering that he loved her, but Mara was still upset and she tried to push away making Kyle felt rejected.
“Don’t you love me Mara? Why are you doing this? Why won’t you just hold me?” he asked stepping back a bit and looking at her. Mara felt so guilty but as soon as he grabbed her again holding her tight and hurting her neck she realized she just couldn’t do it tonight, she couldn’t make love to him, she didn’t even want to hold him right now, she felt overpowered by him and it frightened her.
Mara told him that she needed to go turn off her laptop and that she’d be right back, then she went into the living room, grabbed her shoes, stuffed her laptop into her briefcase and ran out the door. She could hear Kyle behind her and she flew to the stairs running down as fast as she could. He almost caught up with her as she ran out of the lobby and he followed her down the street. About a block away, Mara got a stitch in her side and Kyle caught up with her as she stood at the side of the street panting and holding her side. He grabbed her wrist and apologized to her explaining that it was just hard to come home and trip on all her stuff. This wasn’t the fist time he had gone off at her like this and she was really getting frightened by his behavior and the increasing intensity. He had never hit her and she didn’t think he ever would, but it made her feel so trapped when he grabbed her and held her down like this. A few weeks ago she actually had bruises on her wrists where he grabbed her, but she had been trying to run out of the loft at the time and he was afraid she’d run into the street and get herself run over.
“Please let go of me,” she asked still trying to catch her breath.
“I’m afraid you’re going to hurt yourself. Please come back upstairs with me so we can talk Mara, you know I love you” he said in a calm voice still holding her wrists tightly.
“I’ll be back in a bit, I just need to walk and calm myself down, please.” She begged trying to draw some fresh air and hoping that he would let go of her, she didn’t like the way this made her feel. Kyle continued to banter with her in a calm voice making her feel that there must be something wrong with her. After several minutes she heard a newly familiar voice.
“Is everything ok here?” It was Luke, Megan’s boyfriend.
“Its fine thanks” Kyle seethed, but quickly dropped Mara’s wrist and began walking back to the loft. “Take your walk Mara, I’ll see you in a bit, but please be careful,” he concluded. As soon as Kyle disappeared into the lobby Luke looked at Mara with a very serious expression.
“Are you ok?” he asked, pausing so she could catch her breath.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Two Poems after the loss of Amanda Leigh
A Shopping List
1. In the department store I pass the maternity section
I see the proud mothers to be
Excitedly picking out billowing dresses
And pants with adjustable snaps
Stretching my neck I pilfer a glimpse.
2. I pass the baby section and remember
That almost yesterday I was welcome there with warm smiles
Again, I see the mothers to be
Lovingly picking out cribs and bibs
Preparing for the bulge in their bellies.
3. These women are naive, they do not know
That in a moment, a quick silent moment
It can come to a crashing halt
And death can sweep them so far away
From this mystical place.
4. I am now an outsider watching from my world
Seeing myself just a short time ago
I touch my belly where you used to live
And try to remember you dance
The closeness I once felt with you.
5. I cry a silent cry that only I can hear
My breasts are still weeping for you
But nobody can see through their happiness
They just smile and rub their bulges
And continue to shop.
6. I remember the day your heartbeat vanished
The silence from within
Repudiating the stillness and pretending
That you would be as I had imagined
But my childhood ended as I died with you.
7. I leave this place of memories
Because I can no longer face the pain
It is to hard to accept
So I go home and spend time remembering you
Alone and completely lonely.
1. In the department store I pass the maternity section
I see the proud mothers to be
Excitedly picking out billowing dresses
And pants with adjustable snaps
Stretching my neck I pilfer a glimpse.
2. I pass the baby section and remember
That almost yesterday I was welcome there with warm smiles
Again, I see the mothers to be
Lovingly picking out cribs and bibs
Preparing for the bulge in their bellies.
3. These women are naive, they do not know
That in a moment, a quick silent moment
It can come to a crashing halt
And death can sweep them so far away
From this mystical place.
4. I am now an outsider watching from my world
Seeing myself just a short time ago
I touch my belly where you used to live
And try to remember you dance
The closeness I once felt with you.
5. I cry a silent cry that only I can hear
My breasts are still weeping for you
But nobody can see through their happiness
They just smile and rub their bulges
And continue to shop.
6. I remember the day your heartbeat vanished
The silence from within
Repudiating the stillness and pretending
That you would be as I had imagined
But my childhood ended as I died with you.
7. I leave this place of memories
Because I can no longer face the pain
It is to hard to accept
So I go home and spend time remembering you
Alone and completely lonely.
Lullaby to a Butterfly
Lullaby to a Butterfly
Warm breezes blow soft ripples
In her cotton sundress
Revealing her private dream
She gently reaches
To catch a butterfly
Her voice whispers a lullaby
Rustling Autumn leavers
Suspend her song
Another dream lost to the sun
A small caterpillar
Silently spins his cocoon
She waits patiently for him to emerge
Expecting only beauty
Her song lingers on
Lullaby to a butterfly
Written for my friend Marcy who is a singer and experienced several late term miscarriages as well as the stillbirth of her son Andrew
Warm breezes blow soft ripples
In her cotton sundress
Revealing her private dream
She gently reaches
To catch a butterfly
Her voice whispers a lullaby
Rustling Autumn leavers
Suspend her song
Another dream lost to the sun
A small caterpillar
Silently spins his cocoon
She waits patiently for him to emerge
Expecting only beauty
Her song lingers on
Lullaby to a butterfly
Written for my friend Marcy who is a singer and experienced several late term miscarriages as well as the stillbirth of her son Andrew
Saturday, February 6, 2010
from The Eye of the Moon
An Unexpected Visit
“I should have helped you clean this up” Lara said looking down at her hands. He turned and looked at her. He wanted to take her in his arms, but he wasn’t sure how she’d react to it. His fear was that she was about to say goodbye, but she was dressed in only a t-shirt and boxers.
“I’m more concerned about you Lara, will you talk to me?” he asked looking at the dim light bouncing off her glistening, bloodshot eyes - she had been crying. It was the first time he saw her look so frail and vulnerable.
“You can’t get into this any deeper Cormac, I have to go to protect you.”
“Lara, they broke down my front door and ransacked my home, I’m already in deep. Even if you leave right now, they’re going to come back. No matter what I tell them, they’re going to think I’m tied to you. If you want to protect me, let me know what I’m up against.” Lara knew he was right and she had to fight her natural impulse to run. She needed to stay here and fight and as much as she didn’t want to admit it, she needed Cormac and in some small way, she knew he needed her too.
“I should have helped you clean this up” Lara said looking down at her hands. He turned and looked at her. He wanted to take her in his arms, but he wasn’t sure how she’d react to it. His fear was that she was about to say goodbye, but she was dressed in only a t-shirt and boxers.
“I’m more concerned about you Lara, will you talk to me?” he asked looking at the dim light bouncing off her glistening, bloodshot eyes - she had been crying. It was the first time he saw her look so frail and vulnerable.
“You can’t get into this any deeper Cormac, I have to go to protect you.”
“Lara, they broke down my front door and ransacked my home, I’m already in deep. Even if you leave right now, they’re going to come back. No matter what I tell them, they’re going to think I’m tied to you. If you want to protect me, let me know what I’m up against.” Lara knew he was right and she had to fight her natural impulse to run. She needed to stay here and fight and as much as she didn’t want to admit it, she needed Cormac and in some small way, she knew he needed her too.
Friday, February 5, 2010
From Dark Fantasy (actually, name TBD because I can't seem to find the right name)
Father and Son
The next day, Keith drove me to the school. I had one class for summer on Saturday morning, and then I was working for the management office for a few hours Saturday afternoons for some extra money. After class, I decided to sit outside at one of the picnic tables to study and have some lunch before work. It was easy to get my homework done on campus, so I usually got everything done in one day. It was a gorgeous day, a bit cool but the sun felt extraordinary on my arms and neck. I was reading, The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald for class, I’d read it in high school, so I didn’t have to concentrate too hard. After I finished my lunch, I started reading, but found myself daydreaming more than reading in the bright sun. About ten minutes into reading, I felt someone hovering over me and I heard a deep voice with a slight accent ask if he could join me, I immediately knew the voice and froze. When I looked up and saw the same icy blue eyes I stair into each night on an older face and the same porcelain skin, crooked nose and black hair as Keith and Josie I knew it was Dmitri. Looking at him sent shivers down my spine.
“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you Brie” he smiled and sat down beside me.
“I told you I don’t want to talk to you,” I told him, grabbing my things and getting ready to dart back to the school. He put his hand on my shoulder and I felt the cold sensation I’d felt in Chicago, I knew I was trapped inside my frozen body and panic coursed through me.
“That’s ok, I’ll do the talking, and you can listen.” He told me in his deep melodic voice. With his hand on my shoulder and me frozen looking at him, it must have just looked like we were friends talking. Though there were several people outside today, I knew nobody would think twice about the scene. I could only hope a co-worker would walk by and ask me a question.
“Now, this isn’t so bad. I hear you’re about to become my daughter-in-law, don’t you think it’s important that we meet? Keith is my son, I know I haven’t been a visual presence in his life, but I have been here. I’ve observed Keith and his sister Josie as they grew in San Francisco and I’ve sent people into their lives to help them grow and learn, I’ve also meet them several times, though they didn’t know I was their father.” The thought of him lurking over Keith and Josie all these years sent shivers down my spine. I was trying to control my thoughts and start praying but it was hard not to listen to him. I tried to concentrate on Tara’s protection like I had in Chicago, but his eyes turned angry.
“NO!” He commanded me, in a hushed but direct voice. Then I felt a slight jolt shoot through me, “don’t invoke the goddess, if I sense her presence I will use more force and lead you off the campus right now. I do not intend to hurt you and once you have listened to me, I will leave. You’ll find you have control over your eyes and eyelids. Please close your eyes once then open them if you understand me,” he said in a velvety smooth voice. I refused to comply with him and kept my eyes fixed while he smiled and looked me in the eyes and spoke to me as if I were an injured animal.
“I know you understand me Brie, Eden has filled me in on your abilities and I’m impressed with your strength, but I’m far more powerful than you. Please close your eyes for me or we’ll need to go someplace more private.” I could feel an uncomfortable current move through me that made me feel nauseous and I blinked my eyes once.
“That’s it Brie, see, we can communicate.” He said in a very gentle tone while smiling at me as if we were friends. If I could have gritted my teeth, I would have, his patronizing tone was really making me livid.
“Now, as you know, my children are also very powerful. I’ve been trying to teach them to channel their abilities since they were very young. I trained Eden specifically for Keith and everything was going well, until Eden got too anxious, she made several mistakes that have pushed us back. However, now that I’ve met you, I’m very pleased. You haven’t even begun to discover your abilities. The man whose been training you – Cormac right? He’s a novice, but he’s taught you the basics and I think we can find a place for him…” He trailed off for a moment, smiled at me and began again in his deep velvety voice.
“I want to be a father to my son Brie, but I need your help. We can all be a family. I’ve been more the presence of a God to my children and now I need to call on them to serve me. I have given them tremendous power, I have begun training them how to use it and now I need them. You are obviously a part of Keith now, though I’d planned on him being with Eden, this will work out very well, you will be my daughter and I will teach you to use your talents. This is a gift I can give you.” I had no idea what he was saying, but I did know that none of us were going to follow this man. “Once you have joined me” he began again, “you will want for nothing. Money will never be an issue and you and Keith will be together,” he told me. “Now, you need to get to work, I’m going to let go of you, you will not do anything to draw attention to me. Just to make sure, I want you to know that I saw your sweet sister Kayla the other day at daycare, lovely girl and talented” My body actually shook and I could feel his control over me breaking.
“Calm yourself now!” he demanded, in a smooth voice, “I will not harm your sister, but you will NOT break this connection. I have no desire to hurt anyone Brie, but I can if I need too, do you understand me? If so, blink now”. I blinked
“Very good, I’m sorry I upset you. I want you to think of the anger that just coursed through you. That’s the heart of your power, that’s what you need to find control over. I won’t harm your sister, but you need to know how powerful I am. Ok, I’m going to release you now. You will take your things quietly and go to work. We’ll talk again soon”. He let go of my shoulder and I felt a warm sensation, my muscles were fatigued, but I had control over my body again.
“You can invoke Tara now if you like, I mean you no harm.”
I grabbed my lunch and book.
“I will NEVER be your daughter,” I said to him between clenched teeth.
“You will my dear,” he said beaming at me. I ran up to the management building. When I got inside I was breathing heavily and my heart was racing. As soon as I could catch my breath I called Keith.
“Come and get me now, I’ll explain when you get here”. I told him, my voice quivering.
“I’m on my way,” he assured me. I put my phone back in my purse, and headed straight to my supervisor’s office and told her I was feeling sick and needed to go home. I was sick, my body was trembling even worst than when Eden froze me in Chicago but I also felt nauseous and my head was pounding. As soon as I was done telling her that I needed to leave a wave ran through me and I ran into the bathroom and got ill. When I came out of the stall I realized that my co-worker Denise was there.
“Are you ok Brie? You look terrible.”
“I think its food poisoning, I already told Ms. Buck that I’m going home” I told her.
“Make sure you have plenty of fluids and get some rest,” she told me kindly. “There’s a flu virus going around, I hope you don’t have that.” She added.
“Thank you.” I told her and made my way to the front door.
Keith was waiting for me when I got there and I ran for the car looking around me for any sign of Dmitri.
“What happened? Did he call again? Are you ok? You don’t look good” he had his hand on my forehead and he looked as frantic as I felt.
“He was here Keith; he froze me like Eden did right in the outdoor common area.”
The next day, Keith drove me to the school. I had one class for summer on Saturday morning, and then I was working for the management office for a few hours Saturday afternoons for some extra money. After class, I decided to sit outside at one of the picnic tables to study and have some lunch before work. It was easy to get my homework done on campus, so I usually got everything done in one day. It was a gorgeous day, a bit cool but the sun felt extraordinary on my arms and neck. I was reading, The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald for class, I’d read it in high school, so I didn’t have to concentrate too hard. After I finished my lunch, I started reading, but found myself daydreaming more than reading in the bright sun. About ten minutes into reading, I felt someone hovering over me and I heard a deep voice with a slight accent ask if he could join me, I immediately knew the voice and froze. When I looked up and saw the same icy blue eyes I stair into each night on an older face and the same porcelain skin, crooked nose and black hair as Keith and Josie I knew it was Dmitri. Looking at him sent shivers down my spine.
“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you Brie” he smiled and sat down beside me.
“I told you I don’t want to talk to you,” I told him, grabbing my things and getting ready to dart back to the school. He put his hand on my shoulder and I felt the cold sensation I’d felt in Chicago, I knew I was trapped inside my frozen body and panic coursed through me.
“That’s ok, I’ll do the talking, and you can listen.” He told me in his deep melodic voice. With his hand on my shoulder and me frozen looking at him, it must have just looked like we were friends talking. Though there were several people outside today, I knew nobody would think twice about the scene. I could only hope a co-worker would walk by and ask me a question.
“Now, this isn’t so bad. I hear you’re about to become my daughter-in-law, don’t you think it’s important that we meet? Keith is my son, I know I haven’t been a visual presence in his life, but I have been here. I’ve observed Keith and his sister Josie as they grew in San Francisco and I’ve sent people into their lives to help them grow and learn, I’ve also meet them several times, though they didn’t know I was their father.” The thought of him lurking over Keith and Josie all these years sent shivers down my spine. I was trying to control my thoughts and start praying but it was hard not to listen to him. I tried to concentrate on Tara’s protection like I had in Chicago, but his eyes turned angry.
“NO!” He commanded me, in a hushed but direct voice. Then I felt a slight jolt shoot through me, “don’t invoke the goddess, if I sense her presence I will use more force and lead you off the campus right now. I do not intend to hurt you and once you have listened to me, I will leave. You’ll find you have control over your eyes and eyelids. Please close your eyes once then open them if you understand me,” he said in a velvety smooth voice. I refused to comply with him and kept my eyes fixed while he smiled and looked me in the eyes and spoke to me as if I were an injured animal.
“I know you understand me Brie, Eden has filled me in on your abilities and I’m impressed with your strength, but I’m far more powerful than you. Please close your eyes for me or we’ll need to go someplace more private.” I could feel an uncomfortable current move through me that made me feel nauseous and I blinked my eyes once.
“That’s it Brie, see, we can communicate.” He said in a very gentle tone while smiling at me as if we were friends. If I could have gritted my teeth, I would have, his patronizing tone was really making me livid.
“Now, as you know, my children are also very powerful. I’ve been trying to teach them to channel their abilities since they were very young. I trained Eden specifically for Keith and everything was going well, until Eden got too anxious, she made several mistakes that have pushed us back. However, now that I’ve met you, I’m very pleased. You haven’t even begun to discover your abilities. The man whose been training you – Cormac right? He’s a novice, but he’s taught you the basics and I think we can find a place for him…” He trailed off for a moment, smiled at me and began again in his deep velvety voice.
“I want to be a father to my son Brie, but I need your help. We can all be a family. I’ve been more the presence of a God to my children and now I need to call on them to serve me. I have given them tremendous power, I have begun training them how to use it and now I need them. You are obviously a part of Keith now, though I’d planned on him being with Eden, this will work out very well, you will be my daughter and I will teach you to use your talents. This is a gift I can give you.” I had no idea what he was saying, but I did know that none of us were going to follow this man. “Once you have joined me” he began again, “you will want for nothing. Money will never be an issue and you and Keith will be together,” he told me. “Now, you need to get to work, I’m going to let go of you, you will not do anything to draw attention to me. Just to make sure, I want you to know that I saw your sweet sister Kayla the other day at daycare, lovely girl and talented” My body actually shook and I could feel his control over me breaking.
“Calm yourself now!” he demanded, in a smooth voice, “I will not harm your sister, but you will NOT break this connection. I have no desire to hurt anyone Brie, but I can if I need too, do you understand me? If so, blink now”. I blinked
“Very good, I’m sorry I upset you. I want you to think of the anger that just coursed through you. That’s the heart of your power, that’s what you need to find control over. I won’t harm your sister, but you need to know how powerful I am. Ok, I’m going to release you now. You will take your things quietly and go to work. We’ll talk again soon”. He let go of my shoulder and I felt a warm sensation, my muscles were fatigued, but I had control over my body again.
“You can invoke Tara now if you like, I mean you no harm.”
I grabbed my lunch and book.
“I will NEVER be your daughter,” I said to him between clenched teeth.
“You will my dear,” he said beaming at me. I ran up to the management building. When I got inside I was breathing heavily and my heart was racing. As soon as I could catch my breath I called Keith.
“Come and get me now, I’ll explain when you get here”. I told him, my voice quivering.
“I’m on my way,” he assured me. I put my phone back in my purse, and headed straight to my supervisor’s office and told her I was feeling sick and needed to go home. I was sick, my body was trembling even worst than when Eden froze me in Chicago but I also felt nauseous and my head was pounding. As soon as I was done telling her that I needed to leave a wave ran through me and I ran into the bathroom and got ill. When I came out of the stall I realized that my co-worker Denise was there.
“Are you ok Brie? You look terrible.”
“I think its food poisoning, I already told Ms. Buck that I’m going home” I told her.
“Make sure you have plenty of fluids and get some rest,” she told me kindly. “There’s a flu virus going around, I hope you don’t have that.” She added.
“Thank you.” I told her and made my way to the front door.
Keith was waiting for me when I got there and I ran for the car looking around me for any sign of Dmitri.
“What happened? Did he call again? Are you ok? You don’t look good” he had his hand on my forehead and he looked as frantic as I felt.
“He was here Keith; he froze me like Eden did right in the outdoor common area.”
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Dark Fantasy
Dark Fantasy
Tall and Dark, he enters the room
eyes dancing with hope
dreams fulfilled and some to be
he wipes the sweat from his brow
dreams of yesterday become tomorrow
patient, composed his passion radiates
the room fills with his energy
his smile emulates
it's addictive
everyone present can feel it
a passion others only dream of
plays out a tune once familiar
the world awaits
but I know, or do I?
what lies within
a roadmap to his soul
delicately, yet painfully surrounds him
I long to know the stories
of this complex Detroiter
but silently, I watch
inhaling the dream
letting his energy fill me
knowing it's only a fantasy
Tall and Dark, he enters the room
eyes dancing with hope
dreams fulfilled and some to be
he wipes the sweat from his brow
dreams of yesterday become tomorrow
patient, composed his passion radiates
the room fills with his energy
his smile emulates
it's addictive
everyone present can feel it
a passion others only dream of
plays out a tune once familiar
the world awaits
but I know, or do I?
what lies within
a roadmap to his soul
delicately, yet painfully surrounds him
I long to know the stories
of this complex Detroiter
but silently, I watch
inhaling the dream
letting his energy fill me
knowing it's only a fantasy
from The Eye of the Moon
One Scary Witch
When Cormac pulled up to the bookstore to pick Lara up after work, he felt the same strange energy he’d felt the night before at Lara’s apartment. Quickly, he got out of his car and could hear shouting; one of the voices was Lara. He went to the back of the lot which was next to a small park and he watched as Lara and a tall man that he recognized from some pagan events continued arguing. Cormac had to fight off the urge to jump in seeing that Lara seemed to be holding her own and also knowing that she would be furious with him. He watched her as she told the man to leave her alone, he could feel the powerful wall she put up around her for protection and this man she was yelling at could feel it too. The man softened and placed his hand on Lara’s cheek tenderly, instantly she twisted his arm behind him and had him on his knees. Cormac found himself holding back a hearty laugh – this woman was not someone to be messed with! When she finally let go, the man got to his feet and cursed her under his breath.
“Next time I’ll break your arm” she told the man as he disappeared back into the park. Lara walked back toward the parking lot catching sight of Cormac.
“Did you enjoy the show?” She scowled at him.
“Woman, you are one scary witch!” Cormac said grinning ear to ear as they walked toward his car. Lara stuck her tongue out at him as she got into the passenger seat. He couldn’t help but enjoy this juvenile side of her. They drove back to his flat in silence, he wanted to ask about the man in the park, but decided to keep the mood light so Lara could calm down.
When Cormac pulled up to the bookstore to pick Lara up after work, he felt the same strange energy he’d felt the night before at Lara’s apartment. Quickly, he got out of his car and could hear shouting; one of the voices was Lara. He went to the back of the lot which was next to a small park and he watched as Lara and a tall man that he recognized from some pagan events continued arguing. Cormac had to fight off the urge to jump in seeing that Lara seemed to be holding her own and also knowing that she would be furious with him. He watched her as she told the man to leave her alone, he could feel the powerful wall she put up around her for protection and this man she was yelling at could feel it too. The man softened and placed his hand on Lara’s cheek tenderly, instantly she twisted his arm behind him and had him on his knees. Cormac found himself holding back a hearty laugh – this woman was not someone to be messed with! When she finally let go, the man got to his feet and cursed her under his breath.
“Next time I’ll break your arm” she told the man as he disappeared back into the park. Lara walked back toward the parking lot catching sight of Cormac.
“Did you enjoy the show?” She scowled at him.
“Woman, you are one scary witch!” Cormac said grinning ear to ear as they walked toward his car. Lara stuck her tongue out at him as she got into the passenger seat. He couldn’t help but enjoy this juvenile side of her. They drove back to his flat in silence, he wanted to ask about the man in the park, but decided to keep the mood light so Lara could calm down.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Unattracted - a poem written just before the divorce
Unattracted
Dusk falls violently
The kids are asleep
The dishes are done
No more excuses
I read a book
Sucked into the fantasy
I dream
It takes me away for a time
Your kisses repulse me
Cringing I curl on my side
Hoping you’ll just give up
I pray for dawn
Dusk falls violently
The kids are asleep
The dishes are done
No more excuses
I read a book
Sucked into the fantasy
I dream
It takes me away for a time
Your kisses repulse me
Cringing I curl on my side
Hoping you’ll just give up
I pray for dawn
From Dark Fantasy (actually, name TBD because I can't seem to find the right name)
Chicago
As soon as I got on the L I looked around for the man in the black coat. I sighed with relief when I realized he wasn’t there, but I couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling I had in my stomach. I was anxious to get back and check on Lara and Cormac and see if they’d heard from Keith. I took a seat in the far back so I could see the whole car, I continued looking for the man in the black coat, but there was no sign of him and nobody on the car appeared off. When I exited at the station, I surveyed the crowd and didn’t see him. I did noticed a tall woman with long blond hair dressed in a dark pea coat and a black leather skirt leaning against the wall by the door, she was strikingly beautiful but there was something strange about her. Everyone was bustling about and she was just standing calmly as if she were waiting for someone. As I walked toward the station, she looked right at me, smiled and then followed me with her eyes, something was definitely wrong. I tried to quickly sweep into the station with a crowd of other passengers but as soon as I walked past her, I could feel her walking behind me, so I picked up my pace. Just as I approached the doors of the station I felt something warm on my shoulders and then a strange cold sensation went through my whole body. I couldn’t move or speak; it was as if I was frozen. “You’ll have to follow me now,” a soft melodic voice whispered in my ear. I was in a panic, but I could only walk in the direction she was leading me away from the station I couldn’t even control my facial expressions and my voice seemed caught in my throat. “Don’t worry, Keith is just around the corner, he’ll be so glad to see you,” she said in a gentle tone as if I were an injured animal.
The woman guided me to the side of the station then led me through an opening in a fence and down a hill to a deserted area under the tracks. I wasn’t surprised when I spotted the man in the long black coat standing down there waiting for us.
“Are you sure he’s coming Eden?” he asked the woman.
“He’s already here Ray”. She told him. He smiled and turned on his heels looking toward the tracks where some rusty old storage sheds stood. It looked like nobody had been down here in a very long time.
“Ok Keith, let’s get on with this” he called out. To my surprise, Keith jumped out from behind one of the storage sheds. My heart started racing as soon as I saw him and relief rushed over me. He stood there with his eyes fixed on the woman behind me. His face was stone cold and he didn’t even look at me.
“Let go of her Eden, she’s not involved in this”. Keith commanded her.
“No, you’re going to go with Ray and when you come back with Josie, she’s free to catch the next train to Detroit. You don’t come back and we may have to try on her – it’s ok though, I’m pretty sure we won’t kill her”. She spoke calm and controlled with a girlish tone in her voice.
Keith lurched forward; his shoulders hunched fists tight in balls. His face was expressionless and his eyes were like sheets of ice almost void of color.
“This isn’t about her, let her go and I’ll come with you quietly, we can go get Josie and head back to New Orleans,” he said between clenched teeth.
“I don’t think so…” she said and then giggled girlishly. I saw Ray coming up behind Keith but I couldn’t speak, I wanted to scream to warn him but I couldn’t get the sound out. Then Ray fell on all fours behind Keith as if he had tripped over a rope.
“Ray, you’re better than this, she’s using you,” Keith turned looking at him and speaking in a calm voice, Ray remained on the ground looking up at Keith his eyes wide.
“No Keith, you have no idea what you’re talking about. This is beyond our wildest dreams. You can be a part of this, we can show you how,” Ray said with a spark in his eyes.
“I’ll come with you, as soon as Eden lets her go”. Keith said extending his hand to Ray helping him to his feet, and then turning to face Eden.
“Keith, be reasonable.” Ray said.
“Eden, she’ll listen to me, you have my word. Let her go, she’ll go back to the station and catch the next train to Detroit, then we can leave and I’ll have no more contact with her, you have my word on that”. My heart sank at the though of never seeing or hearing from Keith again. Why was he agreeing to go with them?
“It’s too late Keith; I can feel it in her. Go with Ray and get Josie”. I didn’t understand, what could she feel in me? Could she feel my love for Keith? Did she know that I wouldn’t let him go that easily?
“No” he said shaking his head and walking toward us. Keith was looking past me at Eden intensely and then he fell to the ground grabbing his head as if in pain. He lay there for several moments and then began to twitch his eyes were open and vacant. Terror shot through me like the icy cold of February, I wanted to run to him but my mind was stuck inside my frozen body.
“Go with Ray now Keith, I don’t want to hurt you.” Eden said, her voice still sounding pleasant. Keith got up and took another step toward Eden.
“I’ll work with you Eden, but I won’t walk away and leave her with you”. His voice was calm and soothing now. I could see him fighting to stay in control.
“I’ll stay with her then” Ray said walking up to us with a strange smile, “We’re already friendly, right sweetie?” he laughed darkly rubbing the back of his hand down my cheek. I wanted to spit on him.
Keith turned and looked at Ray with stone cold eyes and Ray fell down hitting the back of his head hard against the cold ground.
“Don’t ever touch her,” Keith seethed between gritted teeth.
“Tsk tsk, Keith, you’re a bit touchy about this girl,” Eden said in her pleasant, melodic voice, but I was starting to hear an edge to it.
Ray got up, laughing darkly and then lunged at Keith knocking him to the ground.
“Calm down Ray, use your mind” Eden commanded him. Then Keith was on his knees holding his head again. I felt a scream build inside of me, but still I couldn’t move. Keith fell to the ground twitching with that vacant look in his eyes he was in pain. I felt so helpless; all I could do was concentrate on how much I loved him, to will him to feel my love. In desperation, I begged Tara the Goddess of protection to help Keith. I couldn’t remember how to invoke a goddess, but I told Tara that I dedicated myself to her as my protector and trusted her to watch over us. I kept trying to envision Lara and Cormac when they invoked the god and goddess, but I couldn’t remember what they said. I just concentrated on protecting Keith and praising Tara. I wanted to scream, to run to him to help him. I could see the pain in his eyes and I was terrified they were going to kill him.
“Ray, don’t break the connection, concentrate, you’re losing him,” Eden shouted sounding tense for the first time. I kept repeating my dedication to Tara and asking her to protect us. Suddenly, Ray fell over and Keith was on his feet instantly.
“Damnit Ray, get him back down! You know what needs to be done” Eden shouted urgently. Ray and Keith started circling each other, their shoulders rolled forward. They were talking in low hissing voices chanting. I heard Keith call out trying to invoke Tara and Ray called out to invoke the Goddess of evil Tyrannis. I was in control of my breath, so took a few deep breaths and tried to slow my heart rate and concentrate on Tara begging here to protect us.
Suddenly the sun shown through the clouds and I felt a slight warmth, then Ray fell over again and hit the back of his head. He lay there for a moment and I wasn’t sure if he was knocked out or not.
“Get up Ray” Keith commanded in a dry, dead tone.
“Listen to me, I know you, you don’t want this. Josie and I will not abandon you, you’re our brother Ray”. Ray got up slowly staring at Keith with bewildered eyes. He rubbed the back of his head and there was a tinge of blood on his hand.
“Don’t listen to him Ray” Eden chimed in with her beautiful, melodic voice.
“They left us, Keith ran from you. I’ve been faithful to you the last two years and I’ve given myself to you completely. You know that I’ve taught you more than Keith ever could and I’ve given you power you never would have discovered with Keith and Josie. Use that power now Ray.” Eden said with a sweet voice.
“She doesn’t love you Ray” Keith shot at him “Eden’s not capable of love.”
Then Keith fell to the ground again twitching in agony.
I continued concentrating on Tara and begging her to protect him. Suddenly, I felt a strange warmth surround me and I could see the sun shining through the gray clouds again. Eden’s hand began to shake and I was starting to feel in control of my body again.
Keith got up and looked directly at Ray, throwing him backward slamming him hard into a tree. His knees buckled for a moment, but he seemed to shake off the feeling and he ran forward pinning Ray to the ground, he punched him in the face and Ray slumped back, his nose bleeding hard, his face shiny with blood. Keith got up to walk away and Ray kicked him in the stomach knocking the wind out of him for a moment, but Ray didn’t seem to be able to get up yet. Once Keith caught his breath, he jumped on top of Ray again and punched him several times until he rolled over unconscious, then Keith shot a look at Eden and she fell back and hit the fence. The bubble around me burst and I fell to the ground screaming and shaking. I felt Keith grab my arm and he pulled me up.
“Run” he commanded and we ran to the opening in the fence, crawled through and ran back to the L station.
As soon as I got on the L I looked around for the man in the black coat. I sighed with relief when I realized he wasn’t there, but I couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling I had in my stomach. I was anxious to get back and check on Lara and Cormac and see if they’d heard from Keith. I took a seat in the far back so I could see the whole car, I continued looking for the man in the black coat, but there was no sign of him and nobody on the car appeared off. When I exited at the station, I surveyed the crowd and didn’t see him. I did noticed a tall woman with long blond hair dressed in a dark pea coat and a black leather skirt leaning against the wall by the door, she was strikingly beautiful but there was something strange about her. Everyone was bustling about and she was just standing calmly as if she were waiting for someone. As I walked toward the station, she looked right at me, smiled and then followed me with her eyes, something was definitely wrong. I tried to quickly sweep into the station with a crowd of other passengers but as soon as I walked past her, I could feel her walking behind me, so I picked up my pace. Just as I approached the doors of the station I felt something warm on my shoulders and then a strange cold sensation went through my whole body. I couldn’t move or speak; it was as if I was frozen. “You’ll have to follow me now,” a soft melodic voice whispered in my ear. I was in a panic, but I could only walk in the direction she was leading me away from the station I couldn’t even control my facial expressions and my voice seemed caught in my throat. “Don’t worry, Keith is just around the corner, he’ll be so glad to see you,” she said in a gentle tone as if I were an injured animal.
The woman guided me to the side of the station then led me through an opening in a fence and down a hill to a deserted area under the tracks. I wasn’t surprised when I spotted the man in the long black coat standing down there waiting for us.
“Are you sure he’s coming Eden?” he asked the woman.
“He’s already here Ray”. She told him. He smiled and turned on his heels looking toward the tracks where some rusty old storage sheds stood. It looked like nobody had been down here in a very long time.
“Ok Keith, let’s get on with this” he called out. To my surprise, Keith jumped out from behind one of the storage sheds. My heart started racing as soon as I saw him and relief rushed over me. He stood there with his eyes fixed on the woman behind me. His face was stone cold and he didn’t even look at me.
“Let go of her Eden, she’s not involved in this”. Keith commanded her.
“No, you’re going to go with Ray and when you come back with Josie, she’s free to catch the next train to Detroit. You don’t come back and we may have to try on her – it’s ok though, I’m pretty sure we won’t kill her”. She spoke calm and controlled with a girlish tone in her voice.
Keith lurched forward; his shoulders hunched fists tight in balls. His face was expressionless and his eyes were like sheets of ice almost void of color.
“This isn’t about her, let her go and I’ll come with you quietly, we can go get Josie and head back to New Orleans,” he said between clenched teeth.
“I don’t think so…” she said and then giggled girlishly. I saw Ray coming up behind Keith but I couldn’t speak, I wanted to scream to warn him but I couldn’t get the sound out. Then Ray fell on all fours behind Keith as if he had tripped over a rope.
“Ray, you’re better than this, she’s using you,” Keith turned looking at him and speaking in a calm voice, Ray remained on the ground looking up at Keith his eyes wide.
“No Keith, you have no idea what you’re talking about. This is beyond our wildest dreams. You can be a part of this, we can show you how,” Ray said with a spark in his eyes.
“I’ll come with you, as soon as Eden lets her go”. Keith said extending his hand to Ray helping him to his feet, and then turning to face Eden.
“Keith, be reasonable.” Ray said.
“Eden, she’ll listen to me, you have my word. Let her go, she’ll go back to the station and catch the next train to Detroit, then we can leave and I’ll have no more contact with her, you have my word on that”. My heart sank at the though of never seeing or hearing from Keith again. Why was he agreeing to go with them?
“It’s too late Keith; I can feel it in her. Go with Ray and get Josie”. I didn’t understand, what could she feel in me? Could she feel my love for Keith? Did she know that I wouldn’t let him go that easily?
“No” he said shaking his head and walking toward us. Keith was looking past me at Eden intensely and then he fell to the ground grabbing his head as if in pain. He lay there for several moments and then began to twitch his eyes were open and vacant. Terror shot through me like the icy cold of February, I wanted to run to him but my mind was stuck inside my frozen body.
“Go with Ray now Keith, I don’t want to hurt you.” Eden said, her voice still sounding pleasant. Keith got up and took another step toward Eden.
“I’ll work with you Eden, but I won’t walk away and leave her with you”. His voice was calm and soothing now. I could see him fighting to stay in control.
“I’ll stay with her then” Ray said walking up to us with a strange smile, “We’re already friendly, right sweetie?” he laughed darkly rubbing the back of his hand down my cheek. I wanted to spit on him.
Keith turned and looked at Ray with stone cold eyes and Ray fell down hitting the back of his head hard against the cold ground.
“Don’t ever touch her,” Keith seethed between gritted teeth.
“Tsk tsk, Keith, you’re a bit touchy about this girl,” Eden said in her pleasant, melodic voice, but I was starting to hear an edge to it.
Ray got up, laughing darkly and then lunged at Keith knocking him to the ground.
“Calm down Ray, use your mind” Eden commanded him. Then Keith was on his knees holding his head again. I felt a scream build inside of me, but still I couldn’t move. Keith fell to the ground twitching with that vacant look in his eyes he was in pain. I felt so helpless; all I could do was concentrate on how much I loved him, to will him to feel my love. In desperation, I begged Tara the Goddess of protection to help Keith. I couldn’t remember how to invoke a goddess, but I told Tara that I dedicated myself to her as my protector and trusted her to watch over us. I kept trying to envision Lara and Cormac when they invoked the god and goddess, but I couldn’t remember what they said. I just concentrated on protecting Keith and praising Tara. I wanted to scream, to run to him to help him. I could see the pain in his eyes and I was terrified they were going to kill him.
“Ray, don’t break the connection, concentrate, you’re losing him,” Eden shouted sounding tense for the first time. I kept repeating my dedication to Tara and asking her to protect us. Suddenly, Ray fell over and Keith was on his feet instantly.
“Damnit Ray, get him back down! You know what needs to be done” Eden shouted urgently. Ray and Keith started circling each other, their shoulders rolled forward. They were talking in low hissing voices chanting. I heard Keith call out trying to invoke Tara and Ray called out to invoke the Goddess of evil Tyrannis. I was in control of my breath, so took a few deep breaths and tried to slow my heart rate and concentrate on Tara begging here to protect us.
Suddenly the sun shown through the clouds and I felt a slight warmth, then Ray fell over again and hit the back of his head. He lay there for a moment and I wasn’t sure if he was knocked out or not.
“Get up Ray” Keith commanded in a dry, dead tone.
“Listen to me, I know you, you don’t want this. Josie and I will not abandon you, you’re our brother Ray”. Ray got up slowly staring at Keith with bewildered eyes. He rubbed the back of his head and there was a tinge of blood on his hand.
“Don’t listen to him Ray” Eden chimed in with her beautiful, melodic voice.
“They left us, Keith ran from you. I’ve been faithful to you the last two years and I’ve given myself to you completely. You know that I’ve taught you more than Keith ever could and I’ve given you power you never would have discovered with Keith and Josie. Use that power now Ray.” Eden said with a sweet voice.
“She doesn’t love you Ray” Keith shot at him “Eden’s not capable of love.”
Then Keith fell to the ground again twitching in agony.
I continued concentrating on Tara and begging her to protect him. Suddenly, I felt a strange warmth surround me and I could see the sun shining through the gray clouds again. Eden’s hand began to shake and I was starting to feel in control of my body again.
Keith got up and looked directly at Ray, throwing him backward slamming him hard into a tree. His knees buckled for a moment, but he seemed to shake off the feeling and he ran forward pinning Ray to the ground, he punched him in the face and Ray slumped back, his nose bleeding hard, his face shiny with blood. Keith got up to walk away and Ray kicked him in the stomach knocking the wind out of him for a moment, but Ray didn’t seem to be able to get up yet. Once Keith caught his breath, he jumped on top of Ray again and punched him several times until he rolled over unconscious, then Keith shot a look at Eden and she fell back and hit the fence. The bubble around me burst and I fell to the ground screaming and shaking. I felt Keith grab my arm and he pulled me up.
“Run” he commanded and we ran to the opening in the fence, crawled through and ran back to the L station.
from Double Wedding Ring
The Quilt
It was well after 2:00 am and as usual 20-year-old Mara Buckingham had lost track of the time trying to finish a project that was already a day late. Money had been tight lately with her taking classes again, so she needed to take whatever work she could get even though her fiancé Kyle Weinstein made a good living. Mara felt guilty that she was not always able to contribute 50/50 to their living expenses and Kyle always commented on how much more he made than her. She had been raised an only child by her mother and though her mother had always struggled, she had always been able to provide for Mara. Her mother had conceived her while visiting England on a college trip and her biological father chose not to take part in Mara’s life. She heard from him a few times, but never formed a relationship with him.
Mara had long, blond curly hair, the kind that forms little ringlets. It was so unruly that she usually just pulled in into a ponytail. Her eyes were deep cocoa brown with lush eyelashes that most girls were jealous of. She was average height with a decent build and when she smiled, her cheeks were like apples and a small dimple formed but lately, Mara didn’t smile as much as she used too.
Tonight, Mara had promised Kyle that she would be home before midnight, but again, she had lost track of time. By now he was already angry with her, so she grabbed the old quilt she kept in the studio and sat down on the couch, she was too tired to make the 30-minute drive back to the suburbs at this hour and she knew what was waiting for her at home. For now she would curl up under the warm quilt and savor the solitude until daybreak. Tomorrow held the promise of a new day.
Looking out the wall of windows Mara could see the lights of the city in the distance, she could hear the sounds of traffic on the I-75 freeway and she felt comfort knowing that no matter what, life went on around her. Under the quilt, everything felt peaceful, she traced the wedding ring pattern with her index finger and lovingly looked at the patterns of each piece brushing her finger over the tattered edges and imagining her great grandmother Millie’s sisters sewing each stitch by hand. She imagined the smell of coffee and fried chicken filling the tiny five-room house in the foothills of the Appalachia Mountains. The men out back feeding the pigs and getting ready to play the fiddle and share some moonshine. This quilt was a wedding gift for her grandma Millie, made from all the old, tattered clothing that they could no longer patch or repair, not a single scrap of material was wasted. Each sister was gifted a quilt like this on their wedding day and Mara had grown up hearing the stories of the double wedding ring quilts. Even now she could picture her great auntie’s excitedly pointing to a flower pattern and talking about the beautiful Sunday dress it used to be, or a soft, lacy piece that had been part of their mothers wedding dress. Mara’s mother was going to throw it out when her grandmother passed a few years ago because it was so old and tattered, but Mara couldn’t let it go. She sewed a new backing to the quilt, added some wool batting and repaired as much as she could. The quilt made her feel at peace when she pulled it over her and all her troubles melted under the warmth and the memories of her great aunties hands lovingly adding each stitch. She felt their presence now as if their arms were wrapped around her giving her the strength she needed to keep going.
It was well after 2:00 am and as usual 20-year-old Mara Buckingham had lost track of the time trying to finish a project that was already a day late. Money had been tight lately with her taking classes again, so she needed to take whatever work she could get even though her fiancé Kyle Weinstein made a good living. Mara felt guilty that she was not always able to contribute 50/50 to their living expenses and Kyle always commented on how much more he made than her. She had been raised an only child by her mother and though her mother had always struggled, she had always been able to provide for Mara. Her mother had conceived her while visiting England on a college trip and her biological father chose not to take part in Mara’s life. She heard from him a few times, but never formed a relationship with him.
Mara had long, blond curly hair, the kind that forms little ringlets. It was so unruly that she usually just pulled in into a ponytail. Her eyes were deep cocoa brown with lush eyelashes that most girls were jealous of. She was average height with a decent build and when she smiled, her cheeks were like apples and a small dimple formed but lately, Mara didn’t smile as much as she used too.
Tonight, Mara had promised Kyle that she would be home before midnight, but again, she had lost track of time. By now he was already angry with her, so she grabbed the old quilt she kept in the studio and sat down on the couch, she was too tired to make the 30-minute drive back to the suburbs at this hour and she knew what was waiting for her at home. For now she would curl up under the warm quilt and savor the solitude until daybreak. Tomorrow held the promise of a new day.
Looking out the wall of windows Mara could see the lights of the city in the distance, she could hear the sounds of traffic on the I-75 freeway and she felt comfort knowing that no matter what, life went on around her. Under the quilt, everything felt peaceful, she traced the wedding ring pattern with her index finger and lovingly looked at the patterns of each piece brushing her finger over the tattered edges and imagining her great grandmother Millie’s sisters sewing each stitch by hand. She imagined the smell of coffee and fried chicken filling the tiny five-room house in the foothills of the Appalachia Mountains. The men out back feeding the pigs and getting ready to play the fiddle and share some moonshine. This quilt was a wedding gift for her grandma Millie, made from all the old, tattered clothing that they could no longer patch or repair, not a single scrap of material was wasted. Each sister was gifted a quilt like this on their wedding day and Mara had grown up hearing the stories of the double wedding ring quilts. Even now she could picture her great auntie’s excitedly pointing to a flower pattern and talking about the beautiful Sunday dress it used to be, or a soft, lacy piece that had been part of their mothers wedding dress. Mara’s mother was going to throw it out when her grandmother passed a few years ago because it was so old and tattered, but Mara couldn’t let it go. She sewed a new backing to the quilt, added some wool batting and repaired as much as she could. The quilt made her feel at peace when she pulled it over her and all her troubles melted under the warmth and the memories of her great aunties hands lovingly adding each stitch. She felt their presence now as if their arms were wrapped around her giving her the strength she needed to keep going.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
from The Eye of the Moon
Once everyone left he asked Lara to walk with him along the creek and just as the sun began to set and the sky turned a brilliant soft orange he handed her a small cloth bag. Lara had forbidden Cormac to buy her a birthday gift but, he couldn’t let the day pass without recognition.
“Happy birthday Lara, don’t be mad at me, I didn’t buy it for you, it’s something I’ve had for a long time and I wanted to pass it on to you.” He could see her struggling with her feelings and trying not to be upset with him; being gracious was not one of Lara strengths. She sat on a fallen tree and pulled a necklace out of the bag. It had a small Eye of Horus pendant that was silver and there was a deep jade stone in the center of the eye, it was a beautiful pendant and for the first time since Cormac had met her, Lara was unable to speak. She sat on the tree for several minutes holding it in her fingers and staring at it. “I’ve never had anything so beautiful Cormac, thank you” she said so quietly he could barely hear her.
“You’re beautiful” Cormac told her crouching beside her and sliding the necklace over her head, then he gently pulled her hair out from underneath it, letting his hands linger on her shoulders. The soft orange glow of the sun danced in her eyes; their eyes met and a warm breeze circled them like an invisible wall. Cormac could hear the gentle sounds of the creek, birds busily flitting around and the soft rhythm of Lara’s breath, it was as if the world came to a standstill.
“Kiss me” he heard her whisper as his hand slid behind her head and his fingers got lost in her soft honey hair. Their lips touched lightly and for several minutes, the creek seemed to be flowing in rhythm with the kiss. Cormac had been dreaming of this moment for several weeks now, but his dreams didn’t even come close to the intensity surrounding them at this moment.
They broke apart abruptly as a cold sensation passed through Cormac. Lara jumped also and they were both on their feet instantly surveying their surroundings. They could see the silhouette of two men approaching; one was her ex-boyfriend Damian, the one she had been fighting with a few weeks ago behind the book store. There was danger all around them and Cormac wanted nothing more than to protect her.
“You have no idea who you’re dealing with. She belongs with us.” Damian said looking intensely at Cormac. A strong current was flowing around him almost binding his arms to his body, but he knew this magick well and was able to break out of it easily. The men seemed a bit surprised and stepped back.
“If Lara wants to go with you, I’ll turn and walk away now. It’s her choice.” Cormac told them.
“I’ve told you that I’m done with you Damian and if you come any closer I will break your arm this time.” Cormac held back a chuckle because he knew she meant it and she was fully capable of doing it too! He kept quiet to allow Lara the opportunity to handle the situation.
“You know she’s a slut don’t you? She’s just using you like she does everyone in her life.” Damian spit at Cormac, he knew Damian was just trying to get a reaction out of him, but it was hard to keep calm when Damian insulted Lara. He took several breaths until he felt that he could speak without bringing his emotions into it.
“Lara makes her own decisions. You’ve know her longer than I have, I would think you’d know this by now.” Cormac could feel Lara’s wall go up and it surrounded him too, she was protecting Cormac; the men could feel it too.
“Watch your backs” the other man retorted and the two men walked away leaving them standing by the side of the creek with the sun setting fast around them. Cormac took Lara’s hand and they walked briskly back to his car.
“You are one scary witch” He told her as he locked the car door and took off for home.
“Happy birthday Lara, don’t be mad at me, I didn’t buy it for you, it’s something I’ve had for a long time and I wanted to pass it on to you.” He could see her struggling with her feelings and trying not to be upset with him; being gracious was not one of Lara strengths. She sat on a fallen tree and pulled a necklace out of the bag. It had a small Eye of Horus pendant that was silver and there was a deep jade stone in the center of the eye, it was a beautiful pendant and for the first time since Cormac had met her, Lara was unable to speak. She sat on the tree for several minutes holding it in her fingers and staring at it. “I’ve never had anything so beautiful Cormac, thank you” she said so quietly he could barely hear her.
“You’re beautiful” Cormac told her crouching beside her and sliding the necklace over her head, then he gently pulled her hair out from underneath it, letting his hands linger on her shoulders. The soft orange glow of the sun danced in her eyes; their eyes met and a warm breeze circled them like an invisible wall. Cormac could hear the gentle sounds of the creek, birds busily flitting around and the soft rhythm of Lara’s breath, it was as if the world came to a standstill.
“Kiss me” he heard her whisper as his hand slid behind her head and his fingers got lost in her soft honey hair. Their lips touched lightly and for several minutes, the creek seemed to be flowing in rhythm with the kiss. Cormac had been dreaming of this moment for several weeks now, but his dreams didn’t even come close to the intensity surrounding them at this moment.
They broke apart abruptly as a cold sensation passed through Cormac. Lara jumped also and they were both on their feet instantly surveying their surroundings. They could see the silhouette of two men approaching; one was her ex-boyfriend Damian, the one she had been fighting with a few weeks ago behind the book store. There was danger all around them and Cormac wanted nothing more than to protect her.
“You have no idea who you’re dealing with. She belongs with us.” Damian said looking intensely at Cormac. A strong current was flowing around him almost binding his arms to his body, but he knew this magick well and was able to break out of it easily. The men seemed a bit surprised and stepped back.
“If Lara wants to go with you, I’ll turn and walk away now. It’s her choice.” Cormac told them.
“I’ve told you that I’m done with you Damian and if you come any closer I will break your arm this time.” Cormac held back a chuckle because he knew she meant it and she was fully capable of doing it too! He kept quiet to allow Lara the opportunity to handle the situation.
“You know she’s a slut don’t you? She’s just using you like she does everyone in her life.” Damian spit at Cormac, he knew Damian was just trying to get a reaction out of him, but it was hard to keep calm when Damian insulted Lara. He took several breaths until he felt that he could speak without bringing his emotions into it.
“Lara makes her own decisions. You’ve know her longer than I have, I would think you’d know this by now.” Cormac could feel Lara’s wall go up and it surrounded him too, she was protecting Cormac; the men could feel it too.
“Watch your backs” the other man retorted and the two men walked away leaving them standing by the side of the creek with the sun setting fast around them. Cormac took Lara’s hand and they walked briskly back to his car.
“You are one scary witch” He told her as he locked the car door and took off for home.
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